Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
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You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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