Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
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