I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize