there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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