Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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