one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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