"it" just moved
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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