I skipped work to stalk him.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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