my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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