dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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