Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize