You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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