And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize