As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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