Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
You're so nebulous sometimes
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Randomize
Follow @tfln