i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize