i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
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10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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