My hand turned me down
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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