Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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