I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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