i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize