I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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