remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
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I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
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I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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