my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had me at cake vodka
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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