i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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