So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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