dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
even my farts smell like vagina
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize