i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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