Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
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i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize