Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize