I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize