So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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