I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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