May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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