i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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