we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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