Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
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I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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