my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize