I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize