I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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