I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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