I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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