Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
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all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
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Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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