Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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