he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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