so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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