I skipped work to stalk him.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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