i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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