I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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