we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize